Distinguishing Perception From Feeling & Why It’s Important

Perceptions are meaning-making – they are an interpretation of experience, and help to shape our understanding of the world around us. But feelings are experience – they don’t lie. The ability to distinguish between perceptions and feelings can be tricky, but gives us the power to better manage our emotional wellbeing.

So, how do we differentiate between the two?

A simple test is to replace "I feel" with "I think" at the beginning of your sentence. For instance, in the sentence "I feel abandoned," you can replace "I feel" with "I think" and say, "I think I'm being abandoned," or "I think you're abandoning me," and the sentence remains coherent. But, if you start a sentence with "I think" when expressing a feeling, you still need to use "feel" to convey the emotion, such as "I think I'm feeling hopeless" or "I feel hopeless."

Another test is to check whether someone else can be implicated in the sentence. Perceptions often imply actions by someone else (e.g., "I think I'm being abandoned [by you]" indicates an interpretation of someone's behavior or intentions). This distinction doesn't apply to feelings (e.g., "I'm feeling hopeless by you" doesn't make sense).

Here are some common words that are frequently mistaken for feelings when they are actually perceptions:

• Abandoned

• Attacked

• Belittled

• Betrayed

• Blamed

• Cheated

• Criticized

• Ignored

• Manipulated

• Misunderstood

• Neglected

• Patronized

• Pressured

• Rejected

• Put Down

When we get stuck in perceptions like “feeling abandoned”, we spend more time attributing meaning to others' actions than understanding our own emotions, losing agency in the process.

Feelings act as messengers, providing valuable information about our needs. If we feel lonely, it's not a hot bath or meditation that will ease our loneliness, but rather social connection and companionship. If we feel overwhelmed, it's not a cup of tea or scrolling through social media that will alleviate our overwhelm, but rather taking a break, prioritizing tasks, and seeking support from loved ones or colleagues. By paying attention to our feelings, we can effectively address our needs.

While perceptions can influence our feelings, direct experience—such as the feeling of loneliness or overwhelm—helps us identify and address our needs more effectively.

Based on one of the more popular theories of human emotion, the Plutchik Model of Emotions, there are eight primary emotions that can be paired into polar opposites:

• Joy and sadness

• Anger and fear

• Trust and distrust

• Surprise and anticipation

Other emotions are secondary to these core feelings, stemming from or coming after the primary emotion. As we explore our primary and secondary emotions, we build our emotional awareness, separating our perceptions from our feelings, sharpening our understanding of our needs, and learning to respond with intention.

What can we do to train ourselves to separate perception from feeling?

1. Emotional Labeling (or Affect Labeling): When you notice yourself experiencing an emotion, pause and identify what you’re feeling, building your emotional vocabulary and checking yourself with the two tests above. This not only helps to clarify whether you're describing a direct emotional experience or interpreting a situation, but can also be your key to freedom.

2. Reflective Journaling: Keep a journal where you write about your thoughts, emotions, and experiences. Reflect on situations that trigger strong emotional responses and explore the underlying perceptions or interpretations. Writing can provide clarity and insight into your thought patterns and emotional reactions.

3. Body Awareness: Pay attention to physical sensations in your body when you experience different emotions. Notice how emotions manifest physically, such as tension in the muscles, changes in breathing, or sensations in the stomach. This can help you recognize the direct experience of feelings separate from interpretations or perceptions.

4. Seek Feedback: Discuss your perceptions and feelings with trusted friends and family members, or work with a life coach or therapist to get feedback and to explore your direct emotional experiences as well as the stories you weave from them. Working in partnership with a trained professional can help you to articulate and clarify complex emotions, identify patterns of thinking and behavior that may be influencing how you interpret situations, and challenge false (and potentially self-limiting) beliefs that rob you of your full potential.